Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
