Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
