Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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