Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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