The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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