so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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