I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
