I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
