ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
