Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
