He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
