please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
