tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
