i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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