i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
