i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
