know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
ttyl tear gas
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
we're so committed to being not committed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
