are you so shy because you have an std?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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