and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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