i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
