On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
