There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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