I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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