"it" just moved
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
