I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
