he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You don't make any sense
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