Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
