dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
