When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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