Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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