Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Less talking, more tequila
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
