I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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