called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
