Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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