I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
