Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
