you win again, gameday.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
