But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize