i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
