fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
