remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
