I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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