you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
