we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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