Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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