I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We had sex on a dog bed..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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