so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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