I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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