absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
