I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
