"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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