Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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