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The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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