So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
