Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
