You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
